As you may or may not know, I loooooovvvee horror movies, have since I was way too young to be watching them. See, my parents read to me every night when I was a wee lad and at one point I picked out a Zilpha Keatley Snyder book, this led to The Witch Saga, then to the Scary Stories To Tell in the Dark series. From there I was a goner, didn't stand a chance, horror had me dead to rights.
By the time I was in middle school I did what any good child of my generation should do, traded my library card in for a video store membership. (Video whositwhatnow?) Living in Indiana Children of the Corn was an early favorite. (If you don't get why, then you've never been to the Hoosier State.) I was made of pretty stern stuff back then, Evil Dead? No problem. The Funhouse? Bring it on! The Shining? Creepshow? Om nom nom nom. (That means I ate them up, if you're not from the internet.)
But still, I had my limits. If the box freaked me out sitting in the dusty, neon lit, linoleum tiled video store (no lie, the place was called The Tapeworm), I figured there was no way in H-E-double hockey sticks that I could make it through the damn thing all on my own. Enter, April Fool's Day
Now I know it doesn't look it but that box art creeped me out to no end. I'm guessing it had something to do with how happy everyone looks whilst some crazy bitch who could strangle them with her fucking hair toasts them all. Seriously, hair noose! Think about it folks. It was either the fact that she could kill you with her coif or the way that dress clung to her body, promising some hot, caucasian, preppy sex. Lets face it, as a 12 year old mid-western boy that WASP's ass was scarier than the butcher knife she was hiding behind it.
What ever it was, AFD was one I could never bring myself to rent, or to ask someone to rent for me, for that matter. Which leads me to today. Today, if you were to give me the keys to a time machine (really, your time machine needs a key? LAME!) I would travel back to 1990 and smack my 11 year old self in the back of the head. Apparently preppies and knives don't traumatize me the way they did way back when, because I watched this flick last night all by my lonesome. And you know what? Turns out AFD is a great, great, great, movie.
Well I was going to write a proper review of the movie but I'm close to using up all my brains for the day. So let me sum up my feelings, Final Girl hearts it, and now I do too. What's your friggin problem? Go check it out and then tell me my love is wrong.